When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
