the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
