once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
