I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
