I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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