I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
