And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I would fuck him just for his dog
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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