coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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