Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
