So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
4 words: hood of his car
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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