when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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