I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
