TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
love makes seman taste better
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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