Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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