If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
