thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
