you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
