oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My hand turned me down
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize