paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
