I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
