I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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