I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
