4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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