Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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