I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
