Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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