I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
