I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
