i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it glows. i had to have it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You took a bar mat shot.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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