6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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