he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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