Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just found puke in my bra..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
