You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
