so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
