He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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