The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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