I looked at my own cervix.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
