you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
