Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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