So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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