when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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