Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
