Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
it was like eating out sand paper
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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