Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
