You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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