is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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