Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
