My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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