I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
