Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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