I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
