Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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