How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
