I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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