Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize