I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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