wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
