Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize