I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
