M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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