He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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