turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
