So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
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