How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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