Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
