As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
