You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
