just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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