that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
