Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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