where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
