i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
